info179682
- Jun 21, 2019
- 5 min read

THE WAIT WAS OVER..

The wait was nearly over. This nightmare would be coming to an end soon. I could feel it.

And I started to hope. I tried not to, but I couldn’t help it.

The clinic told my husband and I to keep our social calendar busy, to help keep us occupied and to take the focus off what we were going through and what we were waiting for. And that we did. We spent a lot of time with friends and family so we didn’t have time to think about anything else.

All of my beautiful friends rallied together to help keep me distracted also. One particular evening, one of my amazing girlfriends organised to pick me up and take me “shopping” to cheer me up. Our “shopping trip” was actually a surprise dinner at a local restaurant where some of my other closest girlfriends were waiting there for me. I was so surprised and touched, that of course I cried! Happy tears though.

How did I get so lucky to be surrounded by some of the most thoughtful and beautiful people in the world?

However I was still waiting.

It’s a very strange feeling. Waiting to get told by someone else if you’re pregnant.

I always imagined it would happen easily for me. I would miss a period, then would pee on a stick, find out we were pregnant, celebrate and that’s it. But it wasn’t meant to be that way for us, and that’s ok. I’ve come to terms with it all now.

Our IVF nurse had told us to try our best and not do any home pregnancy tests, as the high level of hormones that had been pumped into my body could give a false reading. She said that it would be best if we just waited for our blood tests. Who was she kidding! As if I would EVER be able to hold myself back!

I tried my best to refrain from buying any home pregnancy tests, but it was honestly like they would jump into my shopping trolley themselves. So, completely by accident (yeah right), some pregnancy tests and maybe a few blocks of chocolate were bought. Yep, chocolate and I were going home to rekindle our friendship and boy had we missed each other!

After the implantation of the egg, I was certain I felt different.

I couldn’t explain it, I just felt it.

I wasn’t sure if it was my head or my heart playing tricks on me, or if in a tentative hope I was talking myself into this ‘different’ feeling. Or maybe it was just having those pregnancy tests staring at me, the ones that jumped into my trolley just begging to be opened, that made me feel this way?

I lasted 4 days, yes only 4 days.

It had gotten the better of me, and I HAD to know if this feeling that I felt was ‘something’ or not. As you could probably guess, no line showed up on that test.

Well maybe if you closed one eye, tilted your head slightly to the right, and stood on one foot there was a really, really, really faint line there? Maybe?? Or maybe not…. My hubby laughed at me when he got home from work that day and found out what I had done. We both laughed that I’d turned into a completely crazy lady.

And yet I secretly told myself that I would try my luck again tomorrow. Because that feeling I’d had, had still not disappeared. So of course I had to try again.

After reading lots of stories on the IVF forums that I had previously joined, I came to the conclusion that you get a more accurate reading in the morning. That’s where I must have gone wrong yesterday! Right?! I took the test at night!

I continued to do a pregnancy test every day for the next 6 days.

I couldn’t believe it. Lines began showing up. But I couldn’t rely those little sticks. I had my nurse in the back of my mind, I knew it was a possibility that these were all false readings. I needed to wait for my blood tests.

Crazy lady that pee’d on a stick daily

And then the day had arrived. It was time to go off to the hospital for my blood tests.

I had taken the next few days off work so I could either celebrate the news I so desperately wanted to hear or deal with a blow that would break my heart. Either way I had to give myself some time to deal with the outcome.